entmag.net merica

‘Merica! We say it like a joke because it’s so awesome you gotta laugh. I mean where else can you live and make as much money, or be as lazy, or so fat, or so . . . whatever  you want.


This country wasn’t started by a bunch of pilgrams that wanted to preach the word of god. It was started by a bunch of misfits and hooligans that wanted to do whatever they felt like. They did just that. They killed, pillaged, and generally just didn’t give a shit. Whenever someone started fucking with them they kicked their ass.


We got the fattest, the hottest, the richest, dumbest, most self-absorbed and the most powerful people in the world, in one country. It’s because over everything else, we do what we want.


You can get a free education, get as fat as you want, cuss, drink, smoke weed, get tattoos, and borrow money to keep it up for as long as you want. You also have the opportunity to follow any religion, study anything, and make enough money to fund your next three or four generations of offspring. Whatever you want.


We all have our own views of what’s right and wrong, and sure we fuck shit up sometimes, it’s our right to fuck it up. We’ve lost millions of lives beating ass, and blowing shit up for the right to fuck shit up.


So if you work hard and go to church and drive a nice car, ‘Merica! If you smoke weed everyday, and work at a gas station, ‘Merica! If you eat Mcdonalds every meal and watch TV 19 hours a day, ‘Merica! If you represent the state of New Jersey in congress and want to bang the shit out of your fellow congressmen, ‘Merica! Whenever you do you, whenever you do something different, whenever you do hoodrat thangs witcho friends, whenever you’re drunk in a bar in Cairo smoking hookah and throwing dollars at the belly dancer, and the guy with the mic motions for you to get on stage with the belly dancer, all wile chanting MIRICAH! MIRICAH! MIRICAH! you get up and grind on that bitch, then grab the mic and pronounce it correctly “’MERICA!” and don’t forget to add the “Fuck Yeah!”


By Jonathan Wallace